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Only one person in the world knows what I done, and I
plan to keep it that way. That’s not hard to do when the rest of ‘em are
dead.
And that warn’t easy, let me tell you. If you think it’s nothin’
to bury five bodies by yourself, well, let’s just say yer smokin’ somethin'
that ain’t tobaccy.
Yer probably wonderin’ how it happened. You got time for
a bit of story, right? Hah! That was a joke, see? Jes’ you sit there and
listen.
It was Billy’s fault, really. You know ol' Billy Smith,
right? Used to live up by the ol' Bloomberg place? We used to call him Billy
Willy, on account of him always whippin’ it out to show the girls.
Anyways, Billy brung over three cases of beer. Cheap
stuff, not worth the piss it’s made of. We was drinkin’ and shootin’ the shit,
when he said, “Howie, you ever kill anyone?”
Course, I told him I hadn’t. That’s not really true, but you
know that. You don’t? You remember when Jake Stillwell was datin’ Lisa, right?
And we found out he was beatin’ on her? Well, I took care of him. That warn’t no huntin’ accident. I thought you knew that.
Anyways, I told Billy I ain’t never killed no one, and he
said, all in this mysterious whisper, “I did.”
“Get out,” I said. “You never killed no one in your
life.”
“Sure did. I killed Mary Beth jes’ a little while ago.”
“No shit?”
And he did. Took pictures even. Blowed her head clean
off. I gotta admit, she had it comin’. Always naggin’ him to take out the
trash, get a job, take a shower. You know what she’s like. Was like, anyway.
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